This is my paper in 3 Summers MA Course in G/T Education of University Connecticut
Gifted
Boys and the Interpersonal Skill
____________________________
The Role of the Caregivers in Helping the
Gifted Boys to deal with their Interpersonal Problems in the “Masculinity
Ideology”
- The Emotional
Life Of Gifted Boys in the Shadow of “Masculinity Ideology”
Piechowski in his writing of “Emotional Giftedness: The Measure of
Intrapersonal Intelligence”, mentioned that emotional sensitivity and emotional
intensity are often cited as distinguishing most gifted children, and
especially the highly gifted. For gifted
boys, this emotional condition is especially not suitable to the masculinity
culture they live in. Kindlon and Thompson (2000) stated: ”masculinity
ideology” is the attitude that manhood is primary based on strength, stoicism,
toughness and dominance over woman”. This attitude at least has two
implications to the emotional life of the gifted boys. Firstly, it gives them a pressure to solve the
interpersonal problem with other boys using strength and toughness. Secondly, it will make them hide or suppress
their emotion especially those that is not reflecting strength and
toughness.
Both Kindlon and Thompson have a long time experience in dealing with
the problem in the emotional life of boys.
They clearly stated: “Most boys,
despite feelings of anger and pain, are quieter students of emotional suffering.” They also wrote: ”They struggle for self-respect. They act impulsively, moved by emotions
they can not name or do not understand. Boys exercise their emotional ignorance
in cruel treatment of one another or girls.” The problems may become worse
in the case of the gifted students since they tend to be more emotionally
sensitive.
William Polack, the author of “Real Boys (ABC Newsmagazine, 2004)”
described the masculinity attitude as “The Boy Code”. It is the imperative to engage in risky,
daring behavior, act tough, to achieve dominance and power, to never show
dependence, warmth, sympathy or demonstrate “weak” emotional response to
others. These attitudes create a real
problem for the gifted because their emotional sensitivity and intellectual
intensity may not get along well with the Boy Code.
- Possible Human
Relations Problems Associated With the Strengths of the Gifted Boys
James T Webb in his article of “Nurturing Social-Emotional Development
of Gifted Children”, showed some characteristics of the gifted children which
may create problems. For the case of
masculinity culture, at least there are two gifted boy characteristics that may
create peer interpersonal problems. Firstly, since the gifted boys can thinks
critically and evaluates others, they may interrupt or criticize others openly,
whilst the peers may consider it as an offensive act. When the other party is stronger or more
masculine, this would be the beginning of bullying toward the gifted. I would like to take the example of our son, a
gifted boy in 4th grade. He had
a classmate who was very sporty, macho and domineering. One day my son rebuked him openly in front of
others because he did not believe what the boy claimed. This boy was very angry and he almost hit my
son.
Secondly, the gifted boys are very sensitive emotionally, therefore,
they are easily moved by heart-touching stories, and especially movies. About 6 months ago our family watched a movie
and a friend of my son joined. The film depicted
the struggle and the hard life of a young boy from a poor family in pursuing
his education. My son was touched and cried
while watching. However, his friend, an
ordinary boy, was bored. It was not the
only time he cried while watching movie. He is emotionally sensitive and easily moved.
I imagine if he watched the movie with his classmates he would be the
real target of verbal bullying or mocking. It is because “the Boy Code” does not tolerate
“weak” emotional response to others. All
the above examples are exogenous problems happening primarily because of the
interaction of the child with the environment setting of peers. James Webb suggested that exogenous problems
usually become the origin of social and emotional problems of the gifted. Therefore
this world becomes a very difficult place for the gifted boys if their close
caregivers have a strong “masculinity attitude”.
- The Social
Skills for Boys
Howard Gardner in Multiple Intelligence (1983) stated that the domain of
interpersonal intelligence is the ability to understand the action and the
motivation of others. Goleman (1995) who
promoted EQ (Emotional Intelligence) explained that interpersonal intelligence is
the ability to connect and work with others. Hatch
(1990) broke down the interpersonal intelligence into four components. One is
the skill of Organizing Group, two is the skill of Negotiating Solution, three
is the Personal Connection, the talent of empathy and connecting to others, and
the ability to recognize other’s feeling and concern. Finally four is the
Social Analysis, the ability to understand the internal life of others which
can lead to intimacy.
The gifted boys should have an opportunity to be trained in mastering interpersonal
skill since they live in the constant pressure of “the Boy Code” environment. They can not avoid this environment and
pressure. It is the fact of life that
they have to face. Therefore they need
to understand it and have a skill how to deal and handle the peers who exercise
“The Boy Code” in their interpersonal relations. Without a proper interpersonal
skill, the life of the gifted boys can be a continual nightmare.
- What the Caregivers
can Do
The most important caregivers for the gifted
boys are the parents and teachers. The parents and teachers can be significant
adults who can build a healthy relationship with them and influence their
social and emotional development. There
are five suggestions to make the presence of the caregivers effective. Firstly, start by making the home and the
school a safe place for the emotional and social life of the gifted boys. We
need to create a Code of Conduct in the home and school to be the guidance of
healthy human relation and prevent bullying of any kind.
Secondly, provide a committed mentor for the
gifted boys. The ideal one is the father himself. Urie Bronfenbrenner, the Cornell Child
Psychologist (Newberger, 1999), stated “that
a boy can survive all manner of childhood disappointments and suffering if
there is at least one person in his life who is crazy about him; is deeply
invested and protective of him, advocates for him when it is needed”.
Thirdly, develop a proper interpersonal
relation training for the gifted boys. We need to help them in how to understand
themselves and others as well. They need to be able to communicate well and to
handle bullying effectively.
Fourthly, we need to help them to accept and
enjoy their emotional richness and then to train them how to express it in the
public wisely.
Fifthly, last but not least, we need to share
and teach the gifted boys in many ways to be men. They have the freedom not to take “The Boy
Code” as their code of life.
References:
Gardner, H. (1983), Frame of Mind: The Theory of
Multiple Intelligences New Yor; Basic Book.
Goleman, D. (1993), Emotional Intelligence; Why it can
matter than IQ, New York; Bantam Book.
Kindlon, Don; Thomson, Michael (2000); Rasing Cain; Protecting the Emotional Life
of Boys; New York; Ballantine.
Kesner, John, International Education Journal, 2005,
6(2),218-233, http://iej.cjb.net
Newberger, Eli H. (1999); Bringing Up A Boy, New York;
Perseus.
Langille, Jane, Gifted Boys and Gender Issues, ABC
Newmagazine Winter 2004, The Association for Bright Children Ontario
Webb, James, Nurturing Social-Emotional Development of
Gifted Children, Wright State University, Dayton, Ohio, USA
Piechowiski, Michael M, Emotional Giftedness; The
Measure of Intrapersonal Intelligence, Northland College, Ashland, Wisconsin,
USA
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